All I ever wanted is what everyone really wants.
To feel like there was somewhere I belonged,
like there was somewhere I was accepted.
Where the things I did were good enough,
and my mistakes didn’t matter.
Somewhere I was wanted,
somewhere people cared.
...And maybe...if the spirits were willing
someone I could call a friend.

That’s all I wanted.
It was my only wish.
But that wasn’t good enough for you was it?
You wanted more,
more than I had to offer,
even though I gave all that I could.
What more could you need?
What more could I have done?
I didn’t know. I couldn’t see.
I searched for a way.
There had to be something that could work.
I tried everything.
Everything...and still nothing.

So instead I listened.
Maybe then I could understand.
What it is you needed from me.
What it is I was doing wrong.
Then I thought I could do what was needed,
what would satisfy your expectations for me.
What would make you proud of me;
what would make you happy with me.

I waited for a long time,
praying for a sign,
listening for a clue.
And finally I got my answer.
Now I knew what I could do to win your respect.
Nothing.
I don’t have what it takes.
I never did and I never will.
I hate myself for waiting.
I hate myself for praying.
I hate myself for listening to you.

So I gave up.
No sense in beating my head against a wall, right?
I quit. Didn’t care. Didn’t want to try anymore.
So why didn’t you leave me alone?
I tried, I failed more times than I could count.
I surrendered.
You won.
I did everything you wanted me to do.
I did everything you told me to.
I cried for you.
Why couldn’t you leave me be?
I had a simple wish.
Just a basic need.
Why wasn’t it enough for you?

........Or was it too much?
Was my dream too selfish?
Did I ask for more than I deserved?
More than I was worth?
How could that be?
Was it so much to ask
that just for once,
I could be happy?
All I was asking was to be....
......alive.